


The Greatest Mystery

by SandrC



Series: Balance My Deeds With My Misdeeds [17]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Found Family, M/M, Marriage, On a tuesday, Present Tense, Second person POV, Taako Tuesday, i straight up fucking love angus okay???, merle officiates because of course he does, my homestuck is showing, non traditional marriage, taako is a sappy dad, tres horny dads
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-29
Updated: 2016-11-29
Packaged: 2018-09-03 02:17:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8692540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SandrC/pseuds/SandrC
Summary: Your name is ANGUS MCDONALD and today you are undertaking the greatest mystery you have ever faced. It is so grand and so terrifying that you are seconds away from passing out. You aren't sure if you are going to ever be the same after this.Your name is ANGUS MCDONALD and today is your wedding day.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Heyyyyy! It's a Taako Tuesday on an actual Tuesday!!!! This one was prompted by [leafduds](http://twitter.com/wthequius) via DM and I have never loved a prompt more than I have loved this one.
> 
> I don't like weddings and funerals. There's something about the ceremonies and the whole irreverence of them that just fucking puts me off. So sorry if this shit is...shit. I hope I captured the feel of a real wedding because hoo-boy was this a doozy.
> 
> I went with making an OC for Ango to marry—and yes, Sivan is a tiefling—because there aren't enough canon male characters Angus' age—I think Mookie is probably WAY younger than him so oof—so I improvised. This is set long after the last Relic is found and destroyed in the best-case-scenario where everything goes really well.
> 
> I really love the idea of Tres Horny Dads so much. Merle would be the drunk uncle-dad, Magnus would be the bad jokes-dad, and Taako would be the shitty wine mom-dad. I have made it canon. It is so.
> 
> I hope y'all like it and enjoy your Taako Tuesday!

Your name is **ANGUS MCDONALD** and today is quite possibly the most important day of your entire life. More important than the day you were inaugurated into the Bureau of Balance. More important than the day on the Rockport Limited. More important than the day that Taako said he would coach you in magic.

In fact, today is quite possibly the best day of your goddamn life hands down.

Or the worst.

You hope it's the best.

You sit, nervous as shit, in the back room, wringing your hands and patiently holding still while Magnus blends your foundation. He touches up the contouring around your cheekbones—chubby cheeks that you never grew out of—and humming to himself. Just as you can't take the silence any more, Magnus sighs and gives you a soft smile.

"You look amazing kiddo."

"'M not a kid," you protest softly.

He points to the salt and pepper mess that is his trademark beard and sideburns with a single raised eyebrow, making sure that he doesn't smear foundation on himself. "Certainly more of a kid than me Ango. You're half the grey here."

"And you earned every bit of it, sir," you laugh weakly. You don't like being reminded that people leave and that people die. You don't like the idea of being without your found family. You'd like to preserve this moment as is and never let them go.

"Shut up," he laughs and re-applies the sponge to your face. You're a little more relaxed than before but still. It's...tense, not knowing what will happen. Especially on a day like today. "You know," Magnus says after a long, thoughtful pause, "I don't know if I say it enough but I'm really damn proud of you." He looks you in the eyes and you see the tears already collecting in the corners of his own. "You did real good. And if this is what being a dad is like then I'm glad you're my kid, even if I have to share you with two other assholes."

Oh no. Oh no! Now you're going to cry. You feel your face heat up and your eyes prickle with the promise of ruining whatever semblance of 'okay' you had going. You quash the urge to rub your sleeve across your face to stop them from appearing—Magnus hasn't finished yet—and give him a wobbly, weak, and decidedly not-very-sure smile.

He swipes the back of his hand against his eyes and then drags his non-sponge-holding hand through his beard. "Fuck," he exhales. "Well this isn't about me; it's about you. Now let's finish this so you can get out there looking like a million gold pieces." He touches up your makeup, finishing the last of the contouring, and draws back. He's misty eyed and smiling wide and fuck it all if you don't wanna cry too. He looks just so _proud_.

(You remember a time when no one was proud of you. That was a long, long time ago.)

You stand up and dust off your pants. They're black—you wanted to be traditional and all—and pressed and clean but habits die hard, older habits even still, and your nervous tics show themselves in times of high stress. You remind yourself that this is a happy occasion. A good thing.

It does nothing to relieve you of your anxieties.

You wait, as one does, twiddling your thumbs and praying to the whole damn pantheon. When Merle finally comes to get you, he, too is tearing up and grinning widely.

"Ready, runt?"

You give him your most assuring smile—which is assuredly not all that assuring—and nod. "I think if I wait any longer, Kravitz may have to come pick me up for transport."

"Don't joke about that shit kid, 's bad luck." Merle rolls his eyes but you see him chuckle. To think that this is the same dwarf who constantly complained about you for the first two years of you knowing one another.

You couldn't ask for a better friend or de facto father.

He offers you his soulwood arm—adorned, much like his finely-braided beard, with baby's breath and white roses—and you take it gently. The height difference is awkward but you manage. He looks up at you and you wonder if your grandfather would have looked at you the same way—with reverence and joy and pride and sorrow all mixed into one almost indistinguishable cocktail of emotions. You take a deep breath in. The doors open. The music starts. You step forward.

It's a simple affair. You didn't want anything fancy anyway 'cause fuck all that noise—though you can imagine the scathing looks the rest of the McDonald family would be giving you if they could see not only the motley assortment of characters in the crowd but also how modest the venue was—and thankfully, Sivan agreed with you. Johan is leading the band—him on his 'special occasions' violin, Azareth on piano, and the Voidfish singing along in its strange, sonorous voice—and the music is, as usual, gorgeous. Standing at the end of the procession, looking as nervous as you feel, is Sivan. You shyly meet his eyes and smile.

Today is going to be a great day.

Merle walks with you, taking almost six steps to your one, and escorts you up the procession to the front. He pats your hand before he lets go of it and stands at the pulpit, his X-Treme Teen Bible—mostly for shits and giggles, partially because of sentimental value—already waiting.

You look to your right, to your groomspeople; Carey, Killian, NO.3113, and Avi smile back at you, dressed in the finest digs they own. You look to your left, to Sivan's groomspeople; Mavis, Mooky, Aran, and Nic smile back at you as well. You are purposely avoiding looking at Sivan. You're afraid that if you do, you'll cry immediately and you want to hold off on that until the ceremony is over.

Instead, your eyes wander out to the crowd, mentally keeping a tab on Merle's progress through the normal hullabaloo of traditional Pan wedding vows.

("Dearly beloved, we're gathered here today for the union between these two fine people: Angus McDonald of the Bureau of Balance, only child of Magnus Burnsides, Taako Taaco, and Merle Highchurch and Sivan Astari of Hog's Bottom, third child of Eris Astari and Vivian Astari.")

Sivan's parents are there. Eris is clutching onto Vivian for dear life, and the two of them look like they might pass out any moment. You find that ironic, considering that you and Sivan are the ones about to get married. Next to Sivan's parents are his brothers and his friends and his friends' partners and—funnily (though not at all funnily) enough—Hekuba.

("This holy union, born of love and passion, will be strengthened by Pan's guiding hand. Like a vine, guided ever upwards by a trellis, their love will move them to greater heights.")

On your side of the aisle are most of the Bureau. There's very few people on the moon who didn't know who you were so it was easy to get RSVPs from them. Taako, Kravitz, and Magnus are sitting on the front row of course. Magnus is using a simple handkerchief to wipe away his happy tears. His grin is infectious. Taako is leaning against Kravitz and his ears are drooping but he looks so proud that you can't help but feel pleased. He's also crying loudly. Kravitz looks mildly put off by his display but is being supportive. You can't help but love that.

("Now they will exchange the vows that they, themselves, have written.")

Your attention snaps back to Merle and Sivan. Sivan clears his throat. "I'll...go first."

"You know that I have never been the most eloquent person. Words are hard, emotions even more so, but there are no words that could even come close to expressing how you make me feel. You are my other half, as cheesy as that seems, and I have never felt more complete than when I am around you. The day I met you, all those years ago on Neverwinter, is still ingrained in my mind.

"You were so bright. Your smile lit up the room and I had never seen anyone as clever as you—sorry Mavis." The crowd chuckles and Mavis looks pleased and vaguely embarrassed. "You floored me with your knowledge and your kindness and I have never met anyone like you since.

"When you tracked me down and asked me why I was acting so odd I didn't know how to feel. How do you tell the person you like that you like them? Certainly not the way I did, by blurting out 'I love you!' and then running away. But you were gracious enough to track me down and apologize for snooping. We both were in tears and you said you liked me too. I had never been so happy and thought I never would be again—and I am so glad I was wrong. This is the best day of my life and I want to share this love with you forever. I can't thank you enough for agreeing to marry me. I want to share my life with you, the good, the bad, and the really terrible. I want to share every last minute of my existence with you. I want you and I to be together as long as we can and I will do all in my power to keep you happy, even at the cost of my own happiness. So, Angus McDonald, my precious detective, my love and my life, I wish to marry you today."

Okay. You're crying now and so is Sivan and so is most of the crowd and you can hear Taako boo-hooing from where you're standing. Your tears are silent and ugly but you're going to do this. You are going to say your vows and get fucking married.

Merle turns to you and you clear your throat. You look Sivan in the eyes and give him a watery smile. Today is all smiles for you.

"I spent a large portion of my life living up to the expectations of the people around me. The McDonald family, while not large, is prestigious and snooty and they expected me to be the next great McDonald. The next great judge. When I expressed a desire to be a detective, they didn't like that, but I persevered. I'm glad I did. I'm glad I didn't give up back then.

"When I joined the Bureau at ten years old, I was alone. There was no one my age and my closest family was gone. All I had were the three men who had helped with the Rockport Limited and Madame Director, may her memory live on. I felt alone but they became my family; the whole Bureau did. Through Merle I met Mavis and Mookie and through them I met you and for the first time in a long time, I not only had friends my own age, but I also had someone I was interested in. But I was shy and I was afraid. I'm glad that this happened the way it did.

"You are the sun and the stars and the planes beyond our scope. You are the constellations, both named and unnamed, and the planets far outside our reach. You are the wind and the rain and the earth below my feet. You are the greatest mystery I will ever encounter and I hope that I never solve you. I want to puzzle you out for as long as we are together, remaining enthralled by your beauty and your personality and your skill. You are one of the best silversmiths I have ever seen and I know that one day the whole of Faerûn will see the talent I do." You take a shaky breath and compose yourself a bit more. "Sivan Astari, I want to marry you more than I have ever wanted anything before."

Now Sivan is crying and you feel a small sense of satisfaction in that. That he feels as much as you do is important. You love him so much. And he loves you.

Merle nods. "Then Pan will bless this union, giving it the life of a great tree and the strength of a thousand vines. If you would exchange your rings?"

Mookie hands Sivan a small silver ring, simple and innocuous. You give him your left hand and he slips the band on your ring finger. "With this ring," he says, just like he had to have practice a million times over—like you had, "I bind my soul to yours. Your pain is my pain. Your laughter is my laughter. Your love is my love. With this token of my bond, I tie myself to you as long as we are able."

He lets go of your hand and Carey brings you your ring for him. It's a white-gold band inset with a single dragon's eye opal. You, along with Taako, Magnus, and Johan's help, created this ring using magic and hard work. He extends his left hand to you and you slip his ring on his finger.

"With this ring," you say, as metered and even as you can manage under the circumstances, "I bind my soul to yours. Your pain is my pain. Your laughter is my laughter. Your love is my love. With this token of my bond, I tie myself to you as long as we are able."

"Then, as observed by the great nature god Pan, you two are wed. May your bond last as long as you and may your love last far longer than that." Merle closes his X-Treme Teen Bible with a thump and grins widely. "Now y'all are married! Let's get to the food!" You glare at him and he laughs, "fine, fine. You two happy boys can kiss. Jeeze."

You and Sivan meet, mouth to mouth, and kiss as long as you're able. When you draw away, he peppers you with small kisses all over your face, on every freckle he can. You run your fingers through his hair, caressing his horns. He smiles at you and shows off his ring. You show off yours.

You have never been this happy before.

**Author's Note:**

> Like this? Wanna prompt me to do something like this? Drop by my [Twitter](http://twitter.com/ArrowAceP) or my [Tumblr](http://thesleepiestsheepy.tumblr.com) and gimme a prompt!


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